yourpalmooney

  "It's time to pull Trump's mask off so that people can see what we are dealing with here. He is a con artist. First of all, he runs on this idea that he is fighting for the little guy, but he has spent his entire career sticking it to the little guy." - Marco Rubio, 2024 Trump surrogate, in 2016.  “I go back and forth between thinking Trump is a cynical genius—a really good sociopath—and that he’s America’s Hitler." "Trump’s actual policy proposals, such as they are, range from immoral to absurd.” - J.D. Vance, 2024 Republican Vice Presidential candidate.  As I write this, Fox News is cutting away from a Trump press conference in LA that happens to be a promo for one of his golf courses. They had to cut away and sanewash his performance because he's talking about toilets and David Muir's hair. As one does.  Look, I think we can agree no one's changing their minds here. If you're a Trump person, and you made it past those first two quotes, I...

  Last week I published some schadenfreude at the GOP's expense, seeing as how they cycled through countless candidates for Speaker while they sabotaged any chance at keeping the House of Representatives under their control in the next Congress. They finally elected one! And... ...it's Mike Johnson! You might ask just who the hell this is, and I have to concede that I don't know! He's just some guy.  People tend to misunderstand what the Speaker's role is, or what it entails. It's a thankless, hideous job that requires expert deal-making, vote-whipping, and fundraising. The Speaker is a political animal that needs to lack a certain measure of humanity to succeed. John Boehner and Nancy Pelosi, whatever you think of them, were mildly effective Speakers. They managed their majorities well and kept the things moving. They worked to get their incumbents re-elected with fundraising and shrewdly targeting ripe districts. GOP Speaker Dennis Hastert had the job for awh...

  Much like the Big Bang, the GOP's self implosion wasn't a singular, one-off event. It's a slow and perpetual expansion that manifests as organized chaos. But unlike the Big Bang, we know the cause.  When Trump was elected in 2016, the Republican party fractured into its conservative, moderate, and nationalist wings - the latter of which has dominated much of the party's business in the six-plus-years since that general election. Anyone who dares wander from the base is described as "RINO," which will never stop being amusing seeing as how the dominant wing of the party long ago abandoned "conservatism" to embrace populist, conspiracy-mongering madness.  Kevin McCarthy was toppled as Speaker when one of his fellow caucus members, Matt Gaetz, decided to make a name for himself. Steve Scalise, who once alluded to himself as "David Duke without the baggage," mounted a bid to replace McCarthy. He failed. Up stepped Jim Jordan, who declared ...

  Look at this abomination. This absolute toilet of a car. It sucks, and when you see it on the road you think "that car sucks, and so does the person driving it. They should die in a fire." I don't blame you. It's a Buick Lucerne. It's 12 years old, which is 96 in Lucerne years. If this death trap could speak it would say "kill me" in a deep, guttural roar you'd hear from some misty bog. This thing cruised off the lot one day in 2010 at a crisp 20 mph and immediately became a shitty used car. They stopped making the Lucerne the year after this model was built. Buick had enough. The plant workers probably threatened mass suicide if they had to slap together one more of these metal boxes of death.  So I don't blame you for hating it, or for hating whoever happens to be driving it. But I drive this car, and I need you to stop disrespecting us on the road.  Most people driving this vehicle are on the wrong side of 85. Not to embrace ageism here, but...

Back when Senator Ted Cruz was watching Sesame Street at the tender age of 2, an episode of the famed children's show featured a eight-foot-tall, effete, gangly bird stumbling upon a vaccination stand. This bird can not fly, and he encountered several children patiently standing in line to receive a measles vaccine.  The measles vaccine was developed and tested in the late 1950's before being licensed in 1963 and eventually combined to the MMR vaccine in 1971. The "Don't Wait - Vaccinate" campaign, aided by the absolute abomination pictured above, was featured on season 3 of Sesame Street in February of 1972. Measles persisted for several years until cases dropped precipitously in 1981 thanks to the effectiveness of the vaccine. By 2000, the disease was considered eliminated in the United States.  But in 1972, measles was still affecting millions of people, including children. Sesame Street was quite young when this campaign was aired, but had already made a po...

  A phenomenon I sincerely enjoy is when privileged fools publicly take aim at other, rich fools in their pursuit of moral supremacy.  Prince William, Duke of Cambridge, Baldy of the Great Celtic Sea, Enabler of Chains, The Sunburnt, Prince of the Blandals and the worst men, protector of the single smoggy kingdom - has some words for Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk, and Richard Branson regarding their recent foray into space exploration.  The English Royal Mascot decried the promotion of space tourism and said great brains and minds should be "trying to repair this planet, not trying to find the next place to go and live." Couple of things here. One - sending Captain Kirk to the thermosphere is not finding the next place to go and live. Two - simply picturing the mammoth proportions of the ball sack this guy must have to publicly chide "great brains" has broken my poor brain into several pieces.  For the record, I find this space tourism bit to be the wasteful folly of the ri...

I am not here to sully the patron saint of gabagool (pronounced capicola), or to suggest we rename holidays or tear down statues. We're just going to discuss some facts - some commonly known, others not so much. Then we can make a full determination on the life & legacy of Christopher Columbus, the director of  Home Alone . I can't cover everything here, so if you are upset that something positive or negative was omitted, or that I casually glossed over something you deem important, please email your mom.  Columbus was an Italian explorer with several big boats who convinced the Spanish to finance a trip to the Far East, after which he'd be entitled to a cut of whatever colonial enterprise & trade routes he subsequently established. But he landed in the Bahamas like a big dingus and called everyone Indians. This is the "spacing everything double to meet the two-page minimum in Word" of exploration. Subsequent trips included exploration of several islands i...