TV Stinks

I have poor taste in shows, movies, music - any consumable entertainment you can conjure. So I am hardly a voice of reason or authority here. But how many shows featuring nurses, doctors, and first responders are they going to make? 

I watched four or five commercials last night during the sports game and it's just a reel of shows coming soon, some old & some new, and the repetition is noticeable. 

Something called "New Amsterdam" returns with a new season this fall. I have not watched a single episode of this show, but I can tell you that these people wear scrubs, save lives, and fuck. 

Some quick research tells me this show is based on the memoirs of an actual physician. It also sucks. The audience doesn't like the show. NBC renewed it for three (!!) additional seasons despite 34% audience approval. 

Networks will shove first responder porn down your gullet and you will lap it up like a good dog. Here you have a show that hits all the right notes - scrubs, emergency rooms, and a rotating door of good looking medical professionals who inexplicably find the time to carry on several steamy romances. These people are conspicuously never tired. 

And we'll apparently never tire of watching first responders enter one another. At least this show has a catchy name. Networks don't even bother trying. Chicago Fire. 9-1-1. NINE ONE ONE. They named a show after the number you dial when TJ Maxx tells you to wear a mask. ER & Grey's Anatomy set a successful boilerplate for this lazy generation of television, but the former at the very least depicted the physical & emotional toll of emergency room life. 

Grey's Anatomy is something else entirely. How many doctors who plow the same doctor in the same hospital die horribly? I know it's designed for a specific viewership here but that's not remotely realistic. A lot of people have seen this woman's anatomy, and they are not better off for it. Notify HR & employee health before buying Grey a glass of wine. You'll get McBrainWorms. 

I worked with interns & residents in an ICU setting and I can certify that it was the most sexless environment I've ever encountered, and not because that applies to most environments I find myself in. I've also been a patient in an ICU, and beyond having my no-no parts washed as I drooled over the side-rail of the least comfortable bed ever assembled, nothing fun happened. Foreplay was morphine. It's difficult to heavy-pet when someone's ventilator goes off and they're getting chest compressions from exhausted medical staff a room away. I once yelled and gestured to an aid to come retrieve the commode I destroyed moments prior. I worked with a doctor whose last name was Mailhot. Mail...hot. Today he's a dermatologist in Maine. Should have dabbled in fertility since his mere appearance could stifle menstruation. Does any of this rev your engine? 

Meanwhile there's 38 laws and orders and they just stopped giving a shit about the law part. Jack McCoy berating a witness into submission doesn't have the same dazzling effect as everyone's favorite ZADDY Christopher Meloni violating the constitutional rights of potential suspects or witnesses. In the latest iterations you get perhaps four minutes of on-screen lawyer content and they mostly serve as an impediment to the police force accidentally solving crimes and getting served divorce papers. 

Let me be clear - I have watched every film in the modern Marvel cinematic universe except for two - and these movies feature heroes going PEW PEW PEW in leggings and securing secret orbs from the bad guys who want these orbs for malicious endeavors. But there's an understanding here that what I'm watching is pure fantasy. 

I'm not scolding anyone for liking any particular genre of television (except professional wrestling, a product its own fans loathe). Audiences don't even like the show that kicked off this rant. Let's make a show about garbage men. What, that isn't sexy? 

::opening credits::

::Larry sits dejected in his garbage truck passenger seat after accidentally dumping four day old shrimp down his pants. His partner Bobo hops in the driver's seat.::

Bobo: hey Lar, what's wrong buddy

Larry: my balls are covered in garbage

Bobo: that can't be it, you always cover your ass and balls in hot garbage

Larry: my wife left me for the guy who did my pavers, I took out a MCU loan for that (sobs) 

Bobo: Damn it. I told you about Linda. She used to go to our supervisor's bar and black out. 

Larry: I know that's where I met her

Bobo: Hey look, it's Sharon the rookie garbage woman, she has the street sweeper

::Sharon enters frame wearing puke-green bikini and hazard vest:: 

Sharon: WHO WANTS TO DRIVE THE GARBAGE SWEEP

Larry (frown turning to smile): I love garbage, and I love you 

Does any of this strike you as unrealistic, or inappropriate? If so, that's only because some network exec with a button under his desk to trap interns hasn't devised a way to package and market this content to viewers who never asked for it. 

I'm sending my script to NBC later today. I would love recommendations on potential titles.